I've Found A Reason
by leith
Summary: Three words. SJ. Chapter 5.
1. The Reason

**Title: **I've found a reason

**Rating: **K

**Disclaimer:** Stargate doesn't belong to me – not last time I checked anyway.

**Spoilers:**None

**Archive:**Probably but please ask me first anyway.

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I have to tell you something, not that I'm actually telling you face-to-face – too cowardly for that. Yes cowardly I know you'll disagree but, this way there are no interruptions and I only need to explain what I feel necessary. 

I was in black ops for a long time and it made me hard, cold, emotions are dangerous. Then came Sarah and Charlie and for just a while I decided that maybe emotions aren't all that bad. It all changed – you know why. Then I met you.

That taught me emotions are even more dangerous than I thought. They lead you to do and say things that you shouldn't. Emotions can cause that hesitation, that precious second, which means the difference between life and death.

So I stopped my emotions. Not the shallow everyday ones but the deep ones, the emotions that actually mean something I locked away inside me. I believed I was safe from them. Stupid. Look back over these years. I haven't managed to keep them hidden, not when it mattered.

And now I've realised something. I've changed. I'm can't be emotionless, not where you're concerned. When I was first contacted for the Stargate program I was ready to kill myself. Now I will do anything I can to hold on. Because of you.

You're the reason why I can come in everyday with a smile and another joke, even after all that we've been through. We've been through it together. I know I haven't done everything I should have; I know I haven't been there for you all the time. That hurts me just as much as it hurts you. That's what I have to live with for trying to keep my emotions hidden.

We've both been hurt even when we were trying to keep ourselves sheltered.

I'm here now. Whenever you need me. You're the reason that I am me.

I'm sorry.

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So what did you think? Reveiws are very easy to give just click the purple button.  



	2. Fix You

**A/N:** This was just going to be a one-shot but then I had too much time on my hands again so I aded another chapter. This from Sam's POV. Thanks to everyone who reveiwed.

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Cowardly? I suppose we've both been cowardly for too long.

I've been so tired lately. So tired of pretending. So tired of denying it. I know I said we should keep it in the room. I'm tired of that as well.

It hasn't worked either. Not talking about these feelings haven't lessened the emotions it has just bought about a stalemate that we can't seem to break out of. I wanted them to go away so that we could continue to be the professional team we always have been with the easy friendship. I wanted that but it isn't what I have needed for so long. I have needed you and you've been there. I hate showing weakness but with you it seems ok. You are always there to fix the problem, to fix me.

Some times I have been ready to just give up but you are always there - even if you didn't realise the help you were being. Just seeing you and hearing one of your stupid comments has helped with problems that you never even knew about.

We have wasted too many possibilities and I can't do it any longer. There will be problems on the way, there always are but it will be worth it.

I know that I've hurt you and you've hurt me. You have been there to make it better. We've both made mistakes in the past but now it is my turn to fix you.

No.

It is time for us to fix each other.

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Reveiw? Please? 


	3. She Will Be Loved

Thanks again to everyone who reveiwed :D.

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I've spent an eternity waiting for you to just let me in. Now you have and I hardly know what to say. You don't need fixing; to me you are perfect already. That sounds so false but I can't think of a better way to put it.

You are beautiful and smart and funny and I don't care how long I have to spend making you realise that. I like to pretend to myself that I know you, know all of the things that make you who you are.

Who am I kidding, right?

We seem to have said goodbye so many times over these last few years and every time I'm so scared that I wont ever see you again. Somehow we always to end up back here.

Back together.

Why do we leave in the first place though? I used to think that I could never be the type of person who you would like. Then I realised that all I wanted to do was make you feel special, feel perfect. So it didn't matter what you thought because in making you happy I… it's all I want to do.

Any time you need to talk I'm here for you. Here to make you feel beautiful. Here to care for you.

You will always be cared for no matter what happens.

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Reveiw, you know you want to... 


	4. The Scientist

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews. Quite a short chapter this one.

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For so long I just wished that we could somehow act on these feelings. I dreamt of magic fairytales with no regulations, no complications, just us. But I'm a scientist. It's my job to look at things logically; I don't think that logic will help this time.

I've finally come to the realisation that some things can't be governed by common sense. I have to start listening to my heart for a change. My heart ells me to just let go of caution and hang consequences.

Unfortunately I will always be a scientist.

I can't let go of all logic so easily. I want to know all your secrets and tell you mine. I want to forget all of the heartbreak and start again. It isn't going to be easy, there are no fairytales in real life.

Let me hear you say it. I know that for us it is dangerous to make bold statements. We settle for small smiles, quick hugs, whispered comments. If this is going to work we have to make a start somewhere.

Tell me… tell me what I need to hear.

Please.

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You know what I'm gonna ask for... 


	5. I'm A Believer

Thankies to reveiwers especially nogigglingmajor who has reveiwed every chapter. Very short but what else is there to say?

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I've been disappointed so many times before. I don't want it to happen again. 

Every time I've let myself love I've been harshly disillusioned.

I stopped trying. But this time I know you wont let me down.

I want to...

No. I have to say it, I believe in you:

I love you.

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So what do you think? 


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